Power of Beliefs- Musts, Shoulds & Have To's

“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in our beliefs.”  Tony Robbins, “Stop Your Limiting Beliefs:  10 Empowering Beliefs That Will Change Your Life.

I must.  I should.  I have to.  I need to.  It seemed when I started “witnessing” my thoughts, most of them were bossing me around telling me to “do” stuff.  I “must” chaperone my son’s field trip and lose 30 pounds.  I “have to” do the laundry today and “should” give up my daily diet coke. Each morning I woke up with a ridiculously long “must-should-have to list” and then spent the entire day rushing around trying to check off each item.  At the end of the day, if I accomplished everything listed, I would fall into bed exhausted but feeling successful; however, if any of the items remained unchecked, I would spend the evening feeling guilty and promising myself to “do better/more” tomorrow.  Eventually my list became impossible to finish and my days became consumed with running myself ragged and trying to numb the constant guilt.  Every day I would try to “do” my way out of the constant feelings of guilt; and every day I would fail miserably.   

When I started this process, I thought I needed to learn how to say “no” more and tolerate the guilt that would inevitably follow.  I thought or ask for help more or tell people to simply stop asking me to do things.  I thought I needed to lower my standards or consistently ignore items on my list.  I thought I needed to force myself to make my life smaller by quitting my job or putting my son up for adoption.  What I learned was totally surprising.  I learned that it was my own beliefs that were at the root of this problem.  By looking inward and working on my own beliefs, all of changes I wanted and needed in my life (happier, more balanced, less stressed) happened naturally and flowed more easily than I imagined.