Salvation Not in the "Doing"

“The ego knows nothing of being but believes you will eventually be saved by doing.”  Eckhert Tollee

One of the most destructive beliefs I lived by was that my value and/or worth is determined by how much I do and/or accomplish.  For years my days were a blur of activity focused only on getting things done.  I wore my exhaustion like a merit badge that validated both me and my life. Then suddenly I was diagnosed with pneumonia and all the “doing” abruptly stopped.  I faced feelings of emptiness and a pit in my stomach that my constant “doing” had filled; I knew I needed to find a better way to fill me up and validate my worth and value. 

It’s easy to follow this belief since we are inundated with messages that success is measured by what we “do” and how much we achieve and/or accomplish.  Society views Steve Jobs as successful because he “did” all the I-products and Michael Jordon is one of the “greats” because he achieved numerous championships.  Oprah is held in high esteem because of all of her accomplishments and JK Rowling is famous because she wrote Harry Potter.  Our success in school is measured by the grade we receive and when we are young our parents use our behavior to define if we have been “good” or not.  We grow up with the consistent message that success is defined by external “doing” and achieving.  We then mistakenly believe if we “do” enough, not only will people view us as successful but that we will also FEEL successful, worthy and valued.  However, it’s impossible to find internal value and worth in external places or material things.

At 40 I had a great life with a job I loved, a great family and financial security.  But, I was running myself into the ground trying to “do” enough, accomplish enough, achieve enough to feel successful, worthy and valued.  I had moments of great joy and happiness, but I could never quite “do” enough to achieve the deep sense of self-worth and value I craved.  When I became sick, I finally realized that the feelings of worth and value weren’t in the “doing.”  Forced into days and days of not-doing, I found what I was looking for plus much more.  There is so much to be found in the stillness and in the not-doing; but, since we continually jam pack our lives and fill up all space with noise, we never give ourselves the opportunities to find it.    

I had a hard time letting go of the belief linking “doing” with success and feelings of success and worthiness.  Letting the belief go forced me to go against what society thinks, what my family believes and shift the entire way I had been living my life.  It was only when I started applying the belief to the people I love that I began to let go of the belief’s hold.  I could clearly see that my son and my husband didn’t have to “do” anything to have value and worth.  My son has value whether he is sound asleep or getting an “A” on a test and my husband is worthy whether he is folding laundry or screaming at a football game on t.v.  They both have value and worth that’s bigger and more expansive than what they do, accomplish or achieve and I don’t want either of them believing differently.  I don’t want my son to believe that he has to earn his worth or “do” anything to have value; he is enough just because he was born.  And if I can see that as true for both him and my husband, I started to be able to see it as true for myself.