Judgment & Beliefs

Judgmental thoughts can also be used to identify beliefs.  When we are judging others (or ourselves) we are essentially applying our beliefs to another; we are taking the expectations (musts, shoulds, etc.) our beliefs demand and transferring those expectations on to someone else.  Judging says, “My belief is correct so you need to/should do…..and if you don’t, you are wrong.”  Judgments reinforce and boost confidence of our belief.   Judgments make us feel certain.  Judgments make us feel RIGHT.  

Raising children and parenting is a subject saturated with judgment.   With no single “right” way to parent, every aspect of parenting is uncertain.   From the proper way to give birth to which colleges are best, every parent yearns for confirmation that their way is the right way; and this yearning leads to widespread judging.  

As one of those parents yearning to be right, I have tried to become aware of when I am sitting in judgment and allow my judgment to identify my underlying belief.  I recently judged Adrian Peterson for hitting his son with a switch; such judgment arose from my belief that striking children is not okay and my belief that hitting a child doesn’t teach anything other than hitting is ok in certain situations.   I judged Kim Kardashian based on my belief that spending thousands of dollars on cashmere kid’s clothes is gluttonous and absolutely ridiculous.  I judged Gwyneth Paltrow for naming her child Apple based upon my belief that giving a child a “non-name” is selfish on the part of the parent since it sets the child up for teasing.  I have judged parents who make their 6 year old choose only one sport to play year round based upon my belief that sports are supposed to be fun and parents shouldn’t focus on “going pro.”  I have judged parents who schedule every single minute of their child’s day and parents who buy brand new BMW’s for their child’s 16^th birthday.  

When we sit in judgment, we are taking our beliefs and applying them as ultimate truth.  By becoming aware of when we are sitting in judgment, we undermine our unconscious pattern of judging and also afford ourselves the ability to identify the underlying belief.    

(The topic of judgment is much bigger and broader than this narrowly focused blog on the link between beliefs and judgment; keep an eye out for a future discussion.)