For
most of us, along with the twinkling lights, cookies and presents, the holidays
force us to interact with annoying, critical, judgmental and/or energy-sucking people. Your Mom pats your stomach commenting, “Put a
bit of weight on, huh?” or a friend criticizes you buying your child a “shoot ‘em
up” video game. The holidays are full of emotional landmines. What if instead of blaming, complaining,
stuffing, drinking, eating or hiding in the garage we saw the holidays as an opportunity
to grow, develop and release buried emotions.
All it takes is a shift in perception.
For
over 40 years I had an unhealthy relationship with my uncomfortable and
unwanted emotions. I typically blamed
other people for feeling the way I did and complained to friends or vented to
non-offending family members. I played
emotional hot potato with my anger/frustration/hurt and then stuffed anything
left over. After an extremely angry
exchange with my parents, I knew it was time to change.
For
me, understanding and accepting responsibility for my emotions was easier said
than done. Cerebrally I understood the principle,
but I had no idea how to change my pattern of blaming and stuffing. I knew I needed some new behavior to interrupt
my well-ingrained pattern so I decided to stop all venting and
complaining. If I had a negative
encounter, I wouldn’t talk about it (thereby reliving it) but instead would allow
the crappy feelings to do whatever they were going to do.
“Growth
is never about focusing on someone else's lessons, but only on our own. We aren't victims of the world outside
us. As hard as it is to believe sometimes,
we're always responsible for how we see things.” Marrianne Williamson
It
definitely was hard but little by little, I became less triggered. I found myself less impacted by outside,
negative events and became better able to handle uncomfortable emotions without
always blaming or stuffing. I began to
feel calmer and lighter; my challenging relationship began to improve. I am still a work in progress but I know I am
moving in the right direction.
If
you are faced with triggering people during the holidays (as I am), maybe
change your perspective and view them as teachers who have the ability to help
you grow and evolve. Those people who trigger
your “soft spots” are identifying the areas inside you that you still need to
work on and allow you to work on handling negative emotions. At the end of the holidays you might even
thank them for helping you grow. (well, maybe not)
Good
Luck and Happy Thanksgiving!
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