I listened to Rob Bell’s podcast entitled “Increments and Explosions.” As I read the title I knew part of my sadness stemmed from me feeling stuck in my growing process. I had co-led a wellness retreat a few weeks prior and during the process I felt jealous about the big A-Ha’s that I saw the attendees having. When I read the title of the podcast, I knew I longed for an Explosion of my own!!!
As I listened, Rob discussed how explosions come when you are at the end of yourself. When you know something isn’t working in your life and you have tried everything physically possible but nothing changes. When you finally throw up your hands and ask the power bigger than the self to help. When you ask for a new way of “seeing” the problem or situation and a shift occurs. But he said this new way of “seeing” can only come when 1) you are honest about what isn’t working in your life AND 2) when you are willing to give up and let go of what isn’t working.
I have been struggling with my weight (and to be honest overeating) now for several years and on several occasions been at the end of myself and meditated asking for help. Although I would feel inspired during the silence of the meditation, the pattern of overeating remained. As I listened to Rob’s words, I felt inspired to meditate on the issue one more time; but, just as that thought finished, the thought, “Wait until tomorrow because today is your birthday and today you should be able to eat anything you want” appeared. Immediately it became clear why a change to my eating hadn’t previously occurred. I was being honest about the issue; yet I wasn’t willing to give up the behavior. A-HA!
My weight gain/overeating had started when my grandfather’s health began deteriorating. I was constantly exhausted and running on empty. Every moment of my life became about everyone else. At the end of the day, when I was eating, it was the one time where I could say “no, I can’t do that….im eating.” It was my time and the eating allowed me to check out from my life and ignore the fact that my entire life wasn’t working. Although now the landscape of my life is entirely different, the pattern of overeating remains. It remains comfortable and an easy place to hide from any feelings or issues I don’t want to face. When I am in physical pain, I overeat. When I am feeling sad about not seeing a good friend for months, I overeat. When I feel unappreciated or lonely or tired…..I hide out in my overeating from my life. And I am holding on to this destructive pattern with an iron fist.
As I kept listening, Rob Bell discussed the reason most people don’t change. He stated that the familiar, even if it isn’t working, is comfortable. And if you aren’t 100% willing to let go of the thing in your life that isn’t working, then no amount of “please let me see this situation differently” will work because you are aren’t fully letting go. You can’t have a new normal unless you let go of the past. I knew I hadn’t changed because I was still holding on to the comfort that food and overeating gave me.
Rob Bell said that truly happy people hold life lightly so if something needs to change, change flows easily. I have been holding on tightly to my overeating which is why change has not occurred. I have to be fully okay with never overeating again before a new way of “seeing” happens and the transformation to a new normal happens.
Thank
you Rob Bell.
No comments:
Post a Comment