During one “exit interview” at our last retreat, I had a
mother of 2 small children ask me anxiously how she was going to incorporate
any of the BIGGER (spiritual) practices and theories she had learned. Her life wasn’t her own so how was she
possibly going to meditate for 20 minutes or work on growing her
intuition? That is the 6 million dollar
question isn’t it? I want to bring my
fullest, best self to my life but how do I do that when my life is jam packed
with wall to wall obligations?
Focus on moments. Focus
on your breath (which gets you out of your head) for one moment getting into
the car or making mac and cheese. Bring
yourself fully into one moment while you are taking a shower and really feel
the water. Notice the trees or the sky
while you are driving. Take a 5 minute
meditation when things are calm or listen to a Rob Bell or TD Jakes podcast as
you drive (there are many, those are just my personal favorites). Work out to an Oprah Soul Sunday or watch a 2
minute clip on some topic that speaks to you on her website. Read a book or journal while waiting at the
dentist/doctor. Read my blog. J.
Each moment adds up…. and then one day YOU (big you) show
up and handles a situation differently and more consciously than the small you
would have.
Over the weekend we had a dinner party. Since everyone left late, we piled up most of
the dishes in the sink to do the next day.
My husband had an early tee time for a charity golf tournament the next
day but I woke up to a note saying, “leave everything and I will do it when I
get home.” It was very sweet of him but
I didn’t mind watching football all afternoon and cleaning. When he got home, everything was clean and
all that was left was for him to put away the dishes.
The next day after he had left on a business trip, I
realized that all the dishes were not put away.
I glared at the fondue pot sitting on the counter and I immediately
wanted to text him angrily in all caps.
My thoughts began to swirl, “He is soooo selfish and self-absorbed; he
can’t even do one thing while I did a million things; he is sooo ungrateful for
all I do….and on and on and on.” I
became angrier and angrier (as you can imagine). But, for some reason, I did…….absolutely nothing. I paused and thought about how he most likely
just missed it and that he was on a business trip. Although the fondue pot was important to me
in that moment, was it really important overall….. ahhh nope. Contrary to my thoughts, the fondue pot on
the counter did not mean he was selfish or didn’t care about me. It was just a fondue pot sitting on the
counter…..that’s it.
5 years ago I would have sent that angry text. I would have truly believed all of my
thoughts and texted him about how little he valued or appreciated me. I would have thought he was totally selfish
and probably would have been in such a tizzy that I would have wondered about
my marriage….again, about a single fondue pot.
But, due to all the moments I have done over the years, I handled the situation
much differently.
Focusing on moments allows your spiritual self, big YOU,
to find its way into your everyday life.
Little by little each moment allows YOU to seep a little more into your
days, your relationships and your behaviors.
Eventually, one day you will shock yourself by handling a situation
differently and more consciously. You will look back and say to yourself, “Wowza
that was ME (big) showing up!”
Moments are enough.
Today
is my 47th Birthday. For the
last few days I have been feeling a bit sad; however, today when I woke up, the
sadness overwhelmed me. As I crawled out
of bed, I was met with balloons, flowers, cards and happy birthday wishes. I smiled and felt the love from my family yet
the sadness inside remained. After dropping my son off at school, I thought
about having a good cry on the way home in the hopes of relieving some of the
sadness. Instead, for some reason I decided
to listen to a podcast; and as always happens, it was exactly what I
needed.
I
listened to Rob Bell’s podcast entitled “Increments and Explosions.” As I read the title I knew part of my sadness
stemmed from me feeling stuck in my growing process. I had co-led a wellness retreat a few weeks
prior and during the process I felt jealous about the big A-Ha’s that I saw the
attendees having. When I read the title
of the podcast, I knew I longed for an Explosion of my own!!!
As
I listened, Rob discussed how explosions come when you are at the end of yourself. When you know something isn’t working in your
life and you have tried everything physically possible but nothing
changes. When you finally throw up your
hands and ask the power bigger than the self to help. When you ask for a new way of “seeing” the
problem or situation and a shift occurs.
But he said this new way of “seeing” can only come when 1) you are
honest about what isn’t working in your life AND 2) when you are willing to
give up and let go of what isn’t working.
I
have been struggling with my weight (and to be honest overeating) now for
several years and on several occasions been at the end of myself and meditated
asking for help. Although I would feel
inspired during the silence of the meditation, the pattern of overeating
remained. As I listened to Rob’s words,
I felt inspired to meditate on the issue one more time; but, just as that
thought finished, the thought, “Wait until tomorrow because today is your
birthday and today you should be able to eat anything you want” appeared. Immediately it became clear why a change to
my eating hadn’t previously occurred. I
was being honest about the issue; yet I wasn’t willing to give up the behavior. A-HA!
My
weight gain/overeating had started when my grandfather’s health began
deteriorating. I was constantly
exhausted and running on empty. Every
moment of my life became about everyone else.
At the end of the day, when I was eating, it was the one time where I
could say “no, I can’t do that….im eating.”
It was my time and the eating allowed me to check out from my life and
ignore the fact that my entire life wasn’t working. Although now the landscape of my life is
entirely different, the pattern of overeating remains. It remains comfortable and an easy place to
hide from any feelings or issues I don’t want to face. When I am in physical pain, I overeat. When I am feeling sad about not seeing a good
friend for months, I overeat. When I
feel unappreciated or lonely or tired…..I hide out in my overeating from my
life. And I am holding on to this
destructive pattern with an iron fist.
As
I kept listening, Rob Bell discussed the reason most people don’t change. He stated that the familiar, even if it isn’t
working, is comfortable. And if you aren’t
100% willing to let go of the thing in your life that isn’t working, then no
amount of “please let me see this situation differently” will work because you
are aren’t fully letting go. You can’t
have a new normal unless you let go of the past. I knew I hadn’t changed because I was still
holding on to the comfort that food and overeating gave me.
Rob
Bell said that truly happy people hold life lightly so if something needs to
change, change flows easily. I have been
holding on tightly to my overeating which is why change has not occurred. I have to be fully okay with never overeating
again before a new way of “seeing” happens and the transformation to a new
normal happens.
Thank
you Rob Bell.
