The Goal

"Joy comes to us in moments-ordinary moments.  We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."  Brene Brown in Daring Greatly.

The end goal.  I am sitting here on our couch in front of the fire reading a book.   It is 6:45 am and the sun is coming up.  I am looking out through our floor to ceiling windows and can see the sunlight peaking over the mountains a few miles from my house.  With the sun only being partially up, I can still see all the lights in the valley below our home.  My 7 year old son is snuggled in the crook of my arm watching a cartoon on his kindle.  We are both under one fleece blanket, the blanket my adult niece made for my when she was 8.  My son could have chosen to sit in another spot and turned on the television; however, he chose to watch the cartoon on his kindle and cuddle next to me.  I am struck by the perfection of the moment; and to be honest, “perfect” doesn’t even fully describe the moment.  My tea cup is empty and I would normally get up for a refill.  Yet, I don’t move; I don’t want the moment to change or my feelings of appreciation to go away.  I am reading a book and my son is watching a cartoon.  We have done this hundreds of times; but, for some reason, this moment, identical to so many others, seems perfect.  Overwhelmingly perfect.  Insanely perfect. 

This moment is what my journey has been about.  I am able to feel something more fully than ever before; I am able to appreciate and feel content in moments I once thought mundane.  A year ago, hell, probably just yesterday, I would have gotten up to unload the dishwasher or been thinking about how I should get up to unload the dishwasher.  I have a stack of work on desk waiting for me upstairs yet I am not thinking about any of that.  All I could think of in those moments was that I was the luckiest girl in the whole world.

When I started this journey, I thought the goal was to be happy.  However, what I have realized is that it isn’t about finding “happy.”  “Happy” is an emotion created by “something” and comes and goes.  I (and I believe most people) want to feel a deeper appreciation for the everyday moments.  To find peace and contentment within ourselves on a regular basis no matter what is going on around us. 

When people lose a loved one, they describe missing the everyday moments.  I just watched an interview with Liam Neeson who lost his wife several years ago and he described that he missed hearing her keys drop on the table when she came home.  I want to feel more appreciation for and joy in the everyday moments; since when they are gone I know I will/would miss them.